Remember the first time you got laid? Of course you do — unless you’re one of those socially maladjusted internet kids who hasn’t ever had sex. In which case, don’t worry. It’ll happen.
Around the iSeriesLIVE headquarters today, we’re feeling like we’re about to get laid for the first time. Maybe that’s because all we have to live for is poker after our WAGs lost interest in us four years ago when the world financial meltdown wiped out our stock portfolios. Maybe. But more likely it’s because we’re on the edge of something truly revolutionary AND the fact that our WAGs lost interest in us years ago.
Our €10,000 Kick-Off Event featuring in-game betting on ten of the world’s top pros is about 24 hours away. Pauly introduced everyone to ”the Dublin Ten” earlier this week. Now let’s break down their odds of actually winning this thing and give you a shot at banking some coin to spend on the hooker that’s going to pop your cherry.
Remember, all of these wagers can be placed only at Paddy Power.
Daniel Negreanu (11/2): Everybody loves Kid Poker. He’s talented, he’s charismatic, and he comes across as reasonably normal (by poker standards). Watching Daniel play poker and talk his way through a hand is incredibly entertaining when we *don’t* know his or his opponent’s holdings. *With* that added information, watching him play should be a delight. But Daniel’s had a series of life-tilt moments en route from Vegas to Dublin. Tomorrow might not be his day.
Besides, betting Daniel to win the Kick-Off Event is like betting Tiger Woods to win the Masters. There’s a reasonable chance it will happen, but wouldn’t you rather see him hit a tree with his Cadillac?
Phil Hellmuth (13/2): Oh Phil. We saw a changed you at the 2011 World Series of Poker, where you took not one, not two, but three runner-up finishes with the grace and dignity of a man who willingly attends the wedding of his ex-girlfriend. We could tell you weren’t happy, that internally you were seething and wanted to cut off the other guy’s johnson, but externally you put on airs and said all the right things.
That’s not who you are, Phil. You’re Phil Fucking Hellmuth. You wear black and yellow and you can dodge bullets, baby. I can’t bet you at 13/2 because I don’t believe you can win until you start blowing up again. A Phil Hellmuth without blow-ups is like a world without Twinkies. I don’t want to live in that world, Phil, and neither do you.
Eoghan O’Dea (7/1): The kid’s from Dublin – site of the Kick-Off Event — and he’s got some scratch now after taking 6th in the 2011 WSOP Main Event. You have to believe he’s playing for God and country tomorrow, which should give him some extra giddyup in a field against which he’s likely overmatched. If nothing else, he deserves some love for not having anything to do with Dublin’s $300 million Full Tilt sinkhole. (Seriously. Fuck those guys.)
Carlos Mortensen (7/1): I said it yesterday. I’ll say it again today. Carlos Mortensen is one of the greatest ROI tournament players in the history of poker. Do you bet against a guy like that at a winner-take-all, 10-handed table? I don’t.
Full disclosure: I’m an American. I don’t bet against anybody because my government sucks.
Tobias Reinkemeier (15/2): “Tommy, there’s a gun in your trousers. What’s a gun doing in your trousers?”
“It’s for protection!”
“Protection from what – zee Germans?”
Dave Ulliott (8/1): Devilfish represents everything that corporate interests hate about poker and that 18 to 25-year-old males love: he’s incorrigible, he’s cantankerous, he’s utterly unrefined and he won’t even look at a woman who’s older than 24. He’s got brass knuckles that say “DEVIL” and “FISH”. Seriously. We have nothing but mad love for the guy. Sadly, he has utterly no shot at winning this thing, even at 8/1.
Marvin Rettenmaier (8/1): His nickname is “Mad” Marvin, which immediately makes him one of our favorites. But there’s only room for one “crazy like a fox” player at the table, and that honor belongs to…
Faraz Jaka (8/1): Who else do you know who has called with jack-high in a major, big buy-in poker tournament and been right? Hmm, ok. Well, who else? No really. You know that many people that have called with jack-high? Is jack-high the new “top top”?
Love the clothes. Love the hair. Love him at 8/1.
James Dempsey (8/1): The doctor is out.
Maria Ho (10/1): Last but not least, the lovely Maria Ho. I explained yesterday why she’s worth a look at 10/1, but if you want more reasons: she’s sweet, she’s got some chops, and her last name is Ho. When she wins, you can proudly proclaim to your friends, “I got that Ho for five quid!”
Just don’t expect her to pop your cherry.
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The first iSeriesLIVE event kicks off on Thursday, April 5th. Visit Paddy Power for the latest up to the minute odds, and don’t forget that you can watch the live stream and participate in prop bets and other in-game wagers.